


Let down your guard

by Miss_Kitten



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Captain America: Civil War Spoilers, F/M, Fluff, Mention of abuse, Smut, civil war spoilers, mutant!reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-06-09 20:32:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6922327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Kitten/pseuds/Miss_Kitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reader, a mutant, is asked by Steve to help Bucky. She succeeds and, during her staying in Wakanda, falls in love with Bucky. However, she doesn't know if Bucky feels the same about her. Not until he decides that it's a high time to confess his feelings.</p>
<p>WARNING: it has Civil War spoilers, so if you didn't see the movie, please, do not read it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let down your guard

You fold your arms, rubbing your shoulders.

“Steve, are you sure about this?” you ask quietly, glancing at him. He is standing next to you, both of you staring at a frozen man behind a glass.

“No, if I’m honest. But it’s worth trying, isn’t it?”

“I suppose. How long has he been like this?”

“Seven months,” Steve admits, giving you a pained look. You turn your head to look at him with wide open eyes. “It took me long enough to find you, Y/N. You’re better at hiding than you were when we first met.”

“Well, I learnt from the best,” you force a small smile, lowering your head. Silence falls between the two of you as you consider every aspect of what you are going to do. And you haven’t done it in a very long time, at least not in a way Steve asked to you.

“He needs to be tied and asleep. And I have to have sedatives somewhere near in case something goes wrong and he gets aggressive. And Steve,” you look directly at him, your gaze full of insecurity and fear, “you need to be there, too, although not in the room. It would be too distractive and I will have to be concentrated as never before.”

Steve gives you a reassuring smile and nods, but that doesn’t make you feel better. You feel as if you are about to explode from anxiety and fear of failure. Because if you fail, the consequences will be bad.

Yet, you are determined to do it, to help Steve rid his best friend of a heavy burden that lays on him. After all, you owe Steve your life.

______

“Let me go! Let me go, you bastards!” you scream as loud as you can, but the hands that holds your arms are not going away. Their grasp tighten on your flesh. Two men are dragging you to some kind of cell, where you know they will lock you away, possibly forever. You are said to be dangerous, deadly even, but that’s not true. They know nothing about you, they know nothing of your _gift,_ of your skills.

A wild, animalistic growl escapes your mouth as you see an open door in front of you. You are aware that once you are put there, you will never see the outside world again, because there are no windows in that room. And because they will keep you there till your last breath.

“Please, no, I won’t hurt anyone, I promise, just don’t lock me there, please,” you beg, tears stinging your eyes as you start crying, the possibility of being kept away in a small cell for the rest of your life is too much for you to handle.

But the door inevitably grows bigger and bigger, until you see nothing but the wall opposite to it and, before you can protest again, it is slammed shut behind you.

You look down at your wrists. They have put a handcuff on them, but not of usual type. This one is measuring your vital signs, but – what’s the most important – your temperature. Because they are aware that if your body is heating up rapidly, you will use your power in no time. And they can’t allow it.

Not after what you did to their precious professor.

You sob violently as you collapse on the floor. You’ve lost your all hope, there is nothing you can do now, nothing to escape this prison. This is it – your end.

And that end lasted for three, infinitely long months before a man with a shield knocked your door open and, in his arms, carried you out of the facility.

______

You see Steve watching you from behind a wall of glass. You sit at the head of the hospital bed, on which lays Bucky Barnes, tied to it securely and deeply sedated.

Slowly, you reach your hands and place them and the each side of his head, your palms almost touching his temples. You know very little about what Hydra did to him. Steve only mentioned that there is a chain of Russian words that wakes up the Winter Soldier in Bucky. But you will have to find out what exactly those words are by yourself.

And, if there is a chance, change one, so whoever has the red notebook, will not have power over Bucky.

God, you only hope you are strong enough to do it. You never used your gift to such things, too afraid to kill anyone to even try. But you know that right now, there is no turning back, and – and you read it from Steve’s expression – you are his last hope to save Bucky from what has been put inside his head.

You inhale deeply, closing your eyes and throwing away every thought that may disturb you. You must be one hundred percent focused on this task, otherwise you can unintentionally hurt Bucky.

As your mind goes blank and all your attention turns to Bucky, a white light spreads from your fingers and dives into Bucky’s head. He twitches and grunts silently, but doesn’t wake up.

In next second, your brain is flooded with images, thousands of them, with voices and sounds, but you only need to see one memory. After few more moments of searching, you find it. A memory of Bucky being turned into the Winter Soldier. You hear those few words and pick one that you know how to switch to another.

And then, the hardest part of your work begins. You have to erase programmed word and replace it with a different one. With all your might you force your brain to do it and, after what seems to be an eternity, you are done.

Gently, you step back from Bucky’s mind and open your eyes, noticing that his are open too. In a voice barely louder than a whisper, you began to recite the words originally meant to turn Bucky into an assassin.

“Stop, please,” Bucky murmurs weakly in between, tossing on the bed, tugging on the cuffs but you don’t stop. You need to check if you did your job well.

You let out the last word and Bucky tenses, yet nothing happens. You wait, and he does as well, for anything to change in his behavior, but he remains still, only panting heavily. The Winter Soldier is still hidden somewhere in his brain, buried underneath the wall you placed.

You succeeded.

Feeling as exhausted as ever, you only manage to show Steve a thumb up before you pass into unconsciousness.

_______

 “Y/N?” a soft, full of concern voice makes its way into your brain, waking you up from definitely not long enough sleep.

“She’s waking up,” you recognize it as Steve’s voice and you open one of your eyes to look at him, standing at one side of your bed.

“What happened?” you ask, your voice hoarse and you feel as if you have nails in your throat. Your head is aching terribly and, truly, you wish to be left alone and allowed to sleep for at least ten years.

“You fainted after you were finished with Bucky. I’m sorry I asked you to do this, I didn’t know how exhausting it would be for you,” Steve rushes with apologies, his hand gingerly squeezing yours and you crack a smirk.

“Is Bucky okay?”

“Ask him by yourself,” Steve smiles warmly at you and tilts his head to the other side of your bed.

You move your head to gaze there and you notice Bucky, who is standing few steps away, his lips slightly pursed, his eyes landing everywhere but on you. You study him for a moment, feeling happy that you brought him back to live and noticing a change from how you remembered him.

“They gave you a new arm,” you point out cheerfully, making both man chuckle. “How are you feeling?”

“Good,” Bucky says, finally approaching your bed. “You?”

“Honestly? Like shit,” you say, squeezing a teasing smile, making a new fit of giggles erupt from them.

 “Y/N, I need to go to see T’Challa, okay? He asked to inform him when you wake up,” Steve says after a little while, wearing an apologetic expression. He still feels guilty for pushing you to your limits.

“Sure, go, I’ll be alright,” you assure and after patting  your hand, he leaves, closing the door behind him.

“I suppose you have some questions?” you ask Bucky and he clears his throat, looking at you rather bashfully. You can see he is visibly feeling more comfortable, more relaxed.

“Only if you want to answer. I don’t want to bother you.”

“C’mon,” you pat a spot on your bed, sliding to a side to give Bucky more space, “let’s talk.”

And so the two of you talked.

In fact, you and Bucky spent most of following days on conversations, firstly in your room and then, when you recovered, walking about T’Challa’s mansion and, sometimes, Wakanda’s forest. He was asking a lot of questions considering the nature of your ability, your skills. He was also curious about your past, but you didn’t gave him much from that topic, simply because you’d rather forget it. You, on the other hand, helped with accustom to the fact that there is a possibility of new, normal as it could be, life. You felt sort of responsible for him and you wanted to offer him as much support as you could.

And now, as you sit on a couch in a common room with a cup of hot tea in your hands, you begin to wonder why didn’t you see it coming? Why you, always careful with your feelings, always painfully aware of what they might bring, didn’t notice that you fell in love with the ex-assassin? It wasn’t supposed to happen and it surely wasn’t right. You were sure Bucky was simply grateful for what you did, his intentions nothing more but friendly.

But, were they really only friendly?

______

“You said that Steve saved you from some kind of mental institution,” a week prior, you and Bucky were sitting in your room. It was a middle of the night, but none of you could sleep because of the nightmares.

“Yes,” you nodded, furrowing your brows a bit. You didn’t like speaking of that part of your life, but after his confessions a time had came for yours. And you knew he didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, he simply wanted to know you better.

“Why did you end up there in the first place?”

“I, uhm. I guess there is no good way to say it,” you tried to laugh but you failed, so you took a deep breath before you continued, “I killed someone. It was an accident, I was scared to death and defended myself in the only way I knew. A doctor found me after an accident, in which my parents died. Somehow, I managed to get out without a scratch and he was completely fascinated by it. He took me to his clinic and was running some weird tests and when he came to me one day, carrying a scalpel I just snapped,” you shrugged, pretending to hold on, but in reality you were shaking, the memory still had quite an effect on you, “and next thing I knew, I was dragged to a room without windows, where I would probably stay till this day, if it wasn’t for Steve.”

You cautiously rose your gaze at him. Bucky’s face was pale, his eyes open widely with shock and disbelief.

“When..?”

“Ten years ago, it was only 15 then. When I got better, Steve took care of me and taught me how to hide in plain sight and stuff like that. And when I was 18 I left to start a new life. Though, I never spent more than two years in one place. I didn’t want to put people in danger.”

“You’re not dangerous, Y/N” Bucky said sternly, taking your hands in his, the difference between his metal arm and warm skin making you tremble.

“Bucky, I got into your head, remember? I never used my power as a weapon, like Wanda does, but back then, I was young was I didn’t know what was going on. I just blew that light out of myself, the doctor didn’t have much chance, really,” you finished bitterly. Hanging your head low, you tried to hide your quivering chin and watery eyes. You didn’t want Bucky to see you cry, “and when I left, I decided that my power will be used only to do good things, to help people. I worked in hospitals, in hospices. I was putting patients’ minds at ease, when needed. I was bringing out memories they wanted to restore yet couldn’t reach them. But what if I was forced to hurt people?” you ended silently, your voice breaking.

“But you weren’t. And you can’t torture yourself with ‘what ifs’ because you made a choice to be a good person and you are a good person,” Bucky murmured, his voice sure and convincing and you cracked a weak smile, rising your gaze at him, “and honestly, that doc only paid for his imprudence, it was his fault, not yours, okay?”

“Okay,” you nodded, smiling wider and Bucky smiled, too, moving his hands to wipe rebellious tears from your cheeks. He locked his blue eyes with yours and, suddenly, you felt a change in the air around you – it was filled with a kind of electricity, making a goosebump rise on your skin as Bucky started to lean in, closer and closer and your fluttered close as you anticipated the moment his lips would meet yours.

His hands cradled your face tenderly, lifting your chin a little and it was _this close_ , just a millimeter before the moment was ruined by a gurgling sound from your stomach. Your face immediately warmed up with a furious blush and Bucky pulled away from you. He seemed embarrassed by what might have happened.

“I’m gonna make you something to eat. Pancakes?”

“Sounds great,” you called, trying not to appear ashamed and Bucky searched your face for a moment before he nodded and left. You sighed heavily, frustrated by feeling disappointed that he didn’t kiss you. You had no idea you wanted it that much.

However, that notion put another thought, as well. You had to get away from here as soon as possible, before something bad might happen.

_____

“Y/N, may I join you?” a deep, gentle voice comes from your side, snapping you out of your thoughts. You jerk your head and see King T’Challa standing next to the couch.

“Your highness,” you mumble, proceeding to stand up but he stops you with a wave of his hand. You give him an awkward smile, “I believe you don’t have to ask, it’s your mansion, after all.”

“Still, I don’t wish to bother you, hence my question.”

“Please, sit. Actually, I want to ask you something.”

T’Challa takes a seat on the opposite end of the couch, focusing his eyes on you. You clear your throat, feeling a bit intimidated by him. Since you came here, he was nothing else but friendly and welcoming, yet his status and behavior immediately gained him your respect and a tiny bit of frighten.

“Is there any jet leaving Wakanda soon?”

“In fact, it is. Tomorrow morning. To Berlin,” he replies, knitting his brows. You see his eyes filling with confusion. “Do you want to leave?”

“If that’s possible, yes.”

“But why? I was sure you enjoyed your staying here.”

You nod. “I still do, but I think it’s high time to move on. I did my job, there is  nothing else that keeps me here.”

“Is there?” T’Challa inquires, a small smile ghosting over his lips. “Y/N, I am not blind. Nor is captain Rogers, or any of my guests. And I do believe you see it, too. Or may I say, feel it.”

He is gentle and careful, aware that forcing you will not do any good. He noticed it a long time ago, Steve did as well – the way Bucky relaxed in your presence, day by day being more open and, what mattered the most, happier. He noticed the looks you ad Bucky shot at one another when the other wasn’t looking. He quickly recognized it.

“I-“ you start, not even sure what to say. There is no denying it, that’s for sure. T’Challa is right about the reason behind your sudden want to depart. You sigh, “I am not used to needing someone. And what I feel right now is terrifying me, because I have never experienced it before. But I am positive that I am mistaking Bucky’s gratitude for something else and, frankly, I don’t think I can deal with rejection.”

“From where I sit, there will be no rejection.”

“How can you be so sure?” you ask, surprised by his conviction and a wide smile spreading across his lips.

“Because I have eyes. You and sergeant Barnes, both were hurt, but I can see that you are mending each other, to put it that way. You heal him and he heals you. Why run away from it, Y/N?”

“Because I can’t handle more pain,” your voice trails as you feel your throat clenching. You have pondered over telling or not telling Bucky about your feelings almost every night and you are still not convinced confessing is a good idea. You don’t want to scare him away from you, you don’t want to lose him.

“But what if there will be no pain? What if your words are the only thing he is waiting for? I will not put any pressure on you, but please, consider my words. A place in the jet tomorrow will wait for you, if you decide you want to depart.”

“Thank you, king T’Challa,” you say, standing up and giving him a small, grateful smile, before you head to your room to start packing.

_______

T’Challa may be convinced that Bucky feels something more to you, but at that that very moment you just feel tired. You are tired of guessing, you are tired of sleepless nights, of that constant debate in your head whether Bucky should or should not know.

You take your suitcase out from a closet and place it on your bed. One by one, you open every drawer and transfer your things to the case. You don’t want to change your decision – your first instinct was to run away and you trust it.

Ignoring tears that begin pouring from your eyes, ignoring your aching heart you continue packing up until you are done. Then, you close the suitcase, place it on the floor next to the door and sit on the bed, finally allowing yourself to cry.

You have a war in your mind. You want to stay, every fiber in your body screams for you to stay, but the amount of fear you’re feeling is just overwhelming you and surely clouding your judgment. You never meant to fall in love with Bucky, you only wanted to fix what was broken in him. Why did your heart decide to give itself to him?

“Y/N, why are you crying?” a quiet, trembling voice reaches you and you look to your door. Bucky is standing in it, his eyes full of sadness and confusion as he takes in your shaking shoulders, wet cheeks and pain-filled eyes. Then, his gazes lands on the suitcase by the door, “You’re leaving?”

“Yeah,” you nod, wiping your face with the sleeve of your blouse, “tomorrow morning.”

Bucky clenches his jaw, pursing his lips slightly.

“You can’t.”

“And why is that, Buck? I don’t want to stay here any longer. I did what I was asked for.”

“But I need you,” he whispers softly, coming to you and crouching before you so he can gaze into your eyes. You give him weak smile and tuck a strand of hair behind his ear.

“Your head is fine, you don’t need me anymore.”

“Y/N, I know I should’ve told you this sooner. Steve told me that I can’t wait too long, but I… I was scared. I’m not really a type of guy girls are crazy about, maybe in the 40s, but not now,” he chuckles shortly and you frown, trying to understand where this is leading to. He fixes his eyes on yours and you notice sparkles of what seems to be happiness there, and – but you may be mistaken, you _have to_ be mistaken – love.

“Bucky, what are you talking about?” you mutter and he grins, taking your hands into his.

“I don’t need you to keep fixing me, I need you because I love you, Y/N.”

Your breath stops in your lungs as your jaw drops. You are positive you made this up but you feel Bucky’s touch, his thumbs drawing circles on your skin; you see his eyes and his wide grin and, god, he is literally radiating with affection, how can you not believe it?

Without hesitation, you lean in and press your lips against his, feeling his responding right away. You smile into the kiss as you weave your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to you. Bucky gladly obliges and he envelops you in tight embrace, while deepening the kiss, flipping you in his arms so you straddle him when he sits on your bed.

“I love you,” you pant, out of breath when you part from him, but only for a moment. The two of you quickly resume tasting each other, moving your lips in a perfect rhythm as your excitement grows, Bucky’s mouth greedily exploring yours and you part your lips to welcome his tongue.

You whimper as he touches yours and massages it and your fingers tangle into his hair, tugging ever so gently and you fell him shiver. You find yourself growing desperate for his touch and so you roll your hips against his crotch, shivering when you feel him hardening.

Bucky pulls away from you, watching you for a moment as he cups your face in his hands.

“Are you sure about this? I can-“

“You won’t hurt me. I trust you, James,” you assure him and brush your lips against his, to which he moans and kiss you deeply, passionately. You feel his hands moving to the front of your blouse where he starts unbuttoning it, tossing it to a side eventually, followed by your bra.

His metal arm wraps around your middle and rests on the small of your back, while his other hand roams your torso, tenderly stroking your stomach before it finally reaches your breast, kneading it gently.

His lips leaves yours to trail kisses over your jaw and on your neck, where he nibbles and licks your sensitive skin, making your head spin. With trembling hands you tug on his shirt and strip him off of it, letting your fingers travel over his shoulders and chest. He twitches slightly every time you touch his bionic arm but soon gets used to that sensation.

A moan escapes your mouth as you feel his lips hovering over your nipple, which he sucks on, gaining another moan from you. At this point, you are aroused to no end, yearning for his touch, for him to make you his. Bucky seems to guess your needs immediately as he lays you on your back, crawling on top of you and claiming your lips again.

You ran your fingernails over his back, making him hiss, which cause a heat to pool between your legs. Then, your hands find the zipper of his jeans, which is soon opened and you roll his trousers and underwear down. You can’t wait any longer, you have to feel him right now.

Bucky wastes no time and soon, you are laying naked beneath him. He eyes your form with awe, touching your skin gingerly as if you are made of glass. When he  looks straight into your eyes, you gave him a smile and Bucky eases inside you. You gasp, grasping on his shoulders, when first wave of pleasure crashes trough you.

You feel him throb within you, but he doesn’t move until you give him a sign that you’re ready. Bucky starts to thrust – powerfully and slowly, expertly finding that spot within you that makes you moan over and over again. You lift your legs and wrap them around his waist, allowing him to slide deeper inside you.

He lets out strangled growls every time he thrusts back in and you lock your lips with his in a messy kiss. Your orgasm is nearing you, Bucky’s pumps are squeezing high-pitched cries from you and you feel his pushes become more erratic – he is closeto his peak, too.

“Y/N…” he moans against your neck, pressing his lips to your skin and with that you come undone, calling his name loudly as your body writhes under him. Your walls clench around his member, sending Bucky over the edge with a wild growl. He buries his face in the crook of your neck and you run your fingers through his hair as the two of you catch your breaths.

“I need help with unpacking,” you mutter after a moment and Bucky chuckles.

“Once we take your things to my room.”

“Oh, so I’m moving to your room?” you tease, joining him with a giggle of your own and Bucky tilts his head to peck your lips and gaze lovingly into your eyes.

“I’m not letting you go, doll.”  


End file.
